"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life... they tear down your walls...But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah..."
-Eat, Pray, Love

There is more to this quote, but I will add it in later. To a certain extent, I agree with what it says.

"To educate the wise man the state exists, and with the appearance of the wise man the state expires." -Emerson, "On Politics"

Tragedy is Poetic

"But an element of tragedy always makes for good poetry."
-Mary Doria Russell, Children of God

I think of all the great movies and poems and literature, and the sorrow and tradegy which helps make them "great." Death. Loss. Lossed love. That's how life goes, right? I think of Romeo and Juliet. Would it have been the same if they lived? An element of tragedy adds complexity. I equate poetry with beauty. And tragedy can be beautiful.

On History

"...This human mind wrote history, and this must read it. The Sphinx must solve her own riddle. If the whole of history is in one man, it is all to be explained from individual experience. There is a relation between the hours of our life and the centuries of time..." - Emerson

Out with the Old

I have two postcard-like sheets of paper with sayings and cute designs on them which are framed and have been sitting on shelves for years. One says "protect this girl from the storms of life," and the other says "every girl is my sister." I used to love these sayings. I thought they were cute and inspirational. I thought they were important to me, so I kept them around.

Now, having looked beyond the memories with them and how long I have had them, I have decided I must let them go. I disagree with they say. I do not want to be protected from the storms of life. What is life without the storms? I say bring on the heartbreaks and failures, the broken bones and stuggles. That is where life is. In the storms. I know now I will get through. I know now how to ask for help and what to do to get out of the rain. I have been given tools, and I will use them.

Also, every girl is not my sister. It sounds too cliche. Too ideal. Too religious. I am a different person than I used to be. I have realized that there are just going to be those people who do not like you and who you do not like back. Sometimes, yeah, I can see that maybe in crisis and world disaster we all need to be family. But you can not be best friends with everyone.

I am replacing my frames with new quotes! They better illustrate who I am and what I think today.

Changing Your Mind

"Speak what you think now in hard words, and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradicts everything you said today."

-Emerson, Self-Reliance

I agree. Change can be either good or bad, but not changing, when it contradicts a person's beliefs is always bad. I think. That is how I feel today anyway.

"I just try to warn people who hope to get published that publication is not all it is cracked up to be. But writing is." - Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird.

Love

Conversation from the movie Meet Joe Black. The father is acted by Anthony Hopkins. So, if you can, imagine these words in his voice....it's so much better!

FATHER: "It's not what you say about Drew, it's what you don't say...I want you to get swept away, I want you to levitate, I want you to sing with rapture and dance like a dirvish."

DAUGHTER: "Oh that's all?"

FATHER: "Yeah. Be deliriously happy. At least leave yourself open to be. I know its a cornball thing, but love is passion. Obsession. Someone you can't live without. I say fall head over heals. Find someone you can love like crazy and will love you the same way back. And how do you find em? Well, you forget your head and you listen to your heart. Cause the truth is honey there's no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love, well, you haven't lived a life at all. but you have to try. Cause if you haven't tried, you haven't lived."

DAUGHTER: "Bravo."

FATHER: "Oh, you're tough."

DAUGHTER: (sigh.) "I'm sorry. Okay, give it to me again, but the short version this time."

FATHER : "K. Stay open. Who knows, Lightning could strike!"

The more you learn the less you know.


It seems the more I read about or am told about a particular issue, person, work of art, etc. the less I know about it. For example, every time I discover a family secret, I realize just how little I know about my family's history.

It is as if learning one new fact or one new idea or a new point of view just opens up a world of unexplored territory and other possibilities. It is like I can see an object in the distance, and I make the journey towards it. Walking closer. And finally I get there. I think I am at the end. This object is against a wall and there is no where else to go and I can see what it is. I take a close look at it. Put my face up to it. Taste it. Then I pull away and look back up and a vast field appears behind it. The wall is gone. There never was a wall, but it took getting up close to see farther ahead.

Learning allows you to realize all that has yet to be discovered and thought about and discussed.

Learning causes us to question things we previously felt certain about. Learning causes what we think are facts to become wabbly. Answers become questions.

The image in the work is a picture of the artist as a young boy. It is by Wojnarowicz. Makes me cry everytime I read it.

"I was on a road, and there was no one with me. And in the dream I said, 'Idon't understand but I can learn if you will teach me." - The Sparrow, Mary Doria Russell.

Power of Ideas

"We are told to remember the idea, not the man, because man can fail. Four hundred years later, an idea can still change the world." - from V for Vendetta

One of my top ten favorite movies, this film is about revolution and change and overcoming fear. It is about standing up for what you believe to be right and good. It is about the power of ideas and the power of the masses. "People should not be affraid of their government. The government should be affraid of its people" - V for Vendetta

Which reminds me of "We are many. They are few" - from Children of God by Mary Doria Russell. "Children of God" is the sequel to "The Sparrow." Both are my favorite books. In many ways, "Children of God" is also about revolution, change, and the decisions people make based on what they think is right in a particular moment.

Year off or No?

Do I have the time to spend a year not doing something I love? I do not think so. You never know when your time will be up. As the Anne Lamott quote I love so much says "now is all we have," and I truly agree with her words. The time is now.

I have been debating whether or not to take a year "off" before heading to graduate school. Idealy, I would find the time this summer to take the GRE, apply to schools, and get into the one that I want. With time and money and other circumstances, this is somewhat unrealistic. So, I would use a year off to become a more competitive candidate and enhance my resume. I would continue studying the languages I need, work, maybe volunteer, and would have the appropriate research paper that I do not have now.

But will I enjoy this year? Do I need to? Should I settle and just try to get into a less difficult school? What if I spend this year and accomplish everything as planned and still do not get into the schools I want (which is likely)?

I am frightened by all the possibilities and opportunities. At this point, I can do almost anything I want. I am worried I will end up choosing a path that I do not love and enjoy.

One thing is for sure....I love school. I love learning. The importance of education to me is up there with family. If I had the choice, I would never work and just go to school forever (I know now I can not actually do that. I must give back to the world. Serve others.). So....I know what I love. That is a place to start, right?

Wasting Time?

"Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted." - John Lennon

Although I have been told it countless times before, I recently realized that in order to truly be happy, you have to do what you love. I like Lennon's quote because it assures me that when I am "wasting time" reading or writing, surfing the internet, or doing something that, to an outsider, might not seem like much of anything, I am not necessarily wasting anything. If these are activities I truly enjoy and love, then the time is not wasted. Instead, a day is wasted when it passes without having been occupied by an enjoyed activity. A day is wasted when you simply exist, going through the motions of routine, not stopping to take time for yourself.

I have started to slow down, look around, and enjoy as much as I can. I am trying to spend time each day doing something I love. Something that is just for me. Something I do alone. It sounds selfish to me sometimes, but I am a much happier person when I do what I want to do. Is that bad?

Butterflies

"Some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies." -Quote from a Sex and the City episode.

This quote often comes to mind when I am in a new relationship. It is so simple. Why settle? Love is about passion and excitement. Whether or not you experience anything similar to butterflies in your stomach is a good way to determine right away if a relationship is at least headed in a good direction.

Naturally, however, butterflies fade as comfort grows and time passes. But should it? Although the excitement may not be as often, should it not still exist from time to time?

Friend And Critic

Everyone needs someone to read what they have written, but finding the right person can be tough. You need both a critic and a friend. Beginners especially need someone who is both honest and gentle. Someone who will provide constructive and encouraging feedback.

Anne Lamott in Bird By Bird (again! I love the way she writes) says "I don't think you have time to waste not writing because you are affraid you won't be good enough at it, and I don't think you have time to waste on somone who does not respond to you with kindness and respect. You don't want to spend your time around people who make you hold your breath. You can't fill up when you're holding your breath. And writing is about filling up, filling up when you are empty."

And she goes on... "beginners are learning to play, and they need encouragement to keep their hands moving along the page."

A Poem I Wrote, on Words

Speak

I welcome words
gently laid down
or thrown at me from across the table.

I pick them up off the ground,
pull them from my face,
scoop them onto my plate.

I put them in my mouth
chew them around
salty, slimy, loud, harsh
words I like to spit back out,
push around, cut open.

I mix them with my own words,
slirp up the juicy,
wash down the bitter.

I take out insult and opposition
on my plate I thank them
for their bounty then toss them away.

I do not like them
but I welcome them.
I welcome all words.
I'd rather words hit me in the face from across the table
than sit listening to silence.

Garden State

Dialogue from the movie "Garden State." I utilize the conversation to summarize what I think faith is all about (not knowing but choosing to believe).

"Do you lie a lot?"
"What do you consider a lot?"
"Enough for people to call you a liar."
"People call me a lot of things..."
"Is one of them a liar?"
"I could say no, but how do you know i'm not lying?"
"I guess I could choose to trust you."
"You can do that?"
"I can try."

Getting Started

A quote just to get my blog started ... "writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way." - from Bird by Bird, quoting E.L. Doctorow.

I recommend reading Bird By Bird to anyone who is or wants to be a writer. Just take things bit by bit. Paragraph by paragraph. Day by day. Such great advice on writing and life!

Tattoo

My first (and so far my only) tattoo says "words" on the top of my wrist and "action" on the inside. I believe in the power of words, written and spoken, and I love to read and write. But what are words without action? It is important to join causes and fight for what you believe.